Jennifer Swope Updates

We'll try to include all updates about Jenny on this page. They are organized by date. If you'd like to be included in the email updates, please notify Paul Swope at paulfullerswope@gmail.com

For in person visits at our house in Derry, please book a slot on Calendly here.

Dear Family and Friends,

Since you have accompanied me so closely along this journey, it seems appropriate to share Jenny's final days.

About 10 days before her death, she seemed to have "good" days, when she could get out of bed and into her wheelchair, get to Mass, and join us for meals. But they seem to be followed by "bad" days, when she would stay in bed almost all day, with very little energy.

For example, July 13th she was "up" enough to come to Sunday Mass and greet friends (many said she looked great!). Monday she was in bed almost all day. Tuesday, July 15th, she was "up" enough to be taken for a short walk in her wheelchair, and she even wanted to go to the evening music that was held every Tuesday during the summer in the local park. Wednesday, she was in bed all day, but ate one large meal. It was around this time that I wrote the next to last email, expecting Jenny's final decline was at least weeks away.

But Thursday was another down day, she ate little, and slept almost the entire day. By the 18th, Friday it was clear we needed to get her into hospice, and I called them that day. I worried she might pass before we even got her signed up, but hospice came, and she continued sleeping calmly. This is why I sent another update so shortly after the last. But Jenny did not pass...

Saturday - no food, no water (she could not longer swallow), no medications

Sunday - no food, water, or medication

Monday - no food water or medication

Through all this Jenny just seemed to be sleeping peacefully. Here she is on day 5 without food or water, while hospice nurses check her vitals (which were good!)

By the way, feeding tubes are not an option when you are in hospice.

Tuesday - no food or water, but Jenny was less peaceful. At the end of the day I noticed her breathing had increased dramatically, and counted 43 breaths a minute (It had been steady at 20 for the last few days). Then I checked her heart rate - a stunning 160 (normal for her is in the 60s). Hospice suggested medications to get those numbers down, but nothing helped. The hospice nurse was summoned and she let us know that death was "imminent".

That evening was a truly grace filled time, as her children filled the room along with their spouses, grandchildren ran around, her mother and brother were there, neighbors dropped in, and we sang songs and prayed and talked and laughed. This long period of her final illness had given time for some of her children to arrive, including her daughter Emily, who had given birth to her fourth child (Selah) just two weeks earlier. Here they are together!

In the morning Jenny's breathing was no longer peaceful, but more labored. My son Nathan and I decided to move her to a more comfortable position. At that moment her breathing slowed dramatically, and we called all family members into the room. her

I decided to check her heart rate - impossible with a vein - so I put my head on her chest. What I heard was nothing like a heartbeat, more like a fluttering sound. I believe I was listening to the last beats of her heart, as when I sat up, her breathing was almost non-existent and then simply stopped. We all sat, just wondering if she would revive, as breathing can be very far apart at the end. But it was the end. We called hospice, and certified that she had passed.

I curled up with her one last time, and waited for the hearse.

Bless all of you for your prayers and sacrifices on Jenny's behalf.

Paul

P.S. Here is the obituary link with all wake and funeral details: https://www.peabodyfuneralhome.com/Obituaries.htm (Just click Jennifer L. Swope. Also, a donation link is there also in lieu of flowers)

Final (?) update on Jenny

Dear Friends and Family,

To the left is a picture of Jenny with her Mom, who flew in last night. Jenny adores her mother (Marjorie). Marjorie in fact sewed together this quilt, with each square made by a different child or grandchild.

Jenny has been in this position for about 48 hours now - not moving, not responding, not eating, and not even accepting fluids. The hospice team is impressed she is so comfortable despite taking no medications at all (she cannot swallow, so pills and even liquids are of no avail). That she will pass soon (a few days, maybe less) is not in much doubt.

I expect this to be my last update. I want to share with you something very special and very personal.

August 25, 2024 was our 40th wedding anniversary. Jenny wanted to create something very special for our 40th anniversary, and decided to create a book of our 7 month honeymoon trip around the world - 21 pages of color pictures, maps, and letters we wrote at the time. The whole family was involved in its design and creation (carefully keeping me clueless). She presented it to me at our 40th anniversary dinner, when her illness was pretty advanced. I cried too much to read much of it......so lovingly and carefully put together....

But the most beautiful, and heart-wrenching part of this story, is that Jenny wanted to end the book with a love poem. Alas, she had not planned to have a cancerous tumor growing in her brain 4 months before our anniversary. With the work incomplete, she was working against time, knowing she had limited time left. Even when she could not spell well [for example, "Habby ever mord" = "Happy ever more", "thrgs" = "things", ""siscover" = discover"] - she slaved over this poem. Amazingly, while she had written most of it years before, she could not find a copy, so she rewrote it entirely from memory, with a brain at the time that could hardly recall her own name.

Below is the finished poem, at it stands at the end of the 40th Anniversary book:

God Bless you Jenny!!

Paul

July 18 Update

Dear Friends and Family,

This update is a bit of a jumble, as things have taken a serious downturn in just the last few

days, but I had already prepared things I was wanted to share before this point...

LIFE IN REVERSE

Whereas Jenny used to push her grandchildren in strollers, here our oldest grandchild, Lari,

is pushing her!

Whereas Jenny used to push her grandchildren in strollers, here our oldest grandchild, Lari,

is pushing her!

What Jenny still loves is two things: music, and touch.

Until recently, the way to send her into a near delerium of pleasure was a good foot massage. So we have been lavishly indulging her in this on a daily basis. Here her son Aaron is doing the honor.

In the area of speech, when Jenny tries to say something, she can only say “ga-ga-ga” or “ma-ma-ma.” Just like the first sounds of our children! For some time Jenny has not been able to use utensils for eating, just picking up food in her one good hand. Bibs are back! Now she is so weak that she cannot feed herself, so we gently spoon her food.

And yes, after my daughter Jacinta changed Jenny’s diaper, she said to her, “I am finally able

to return the favor Mom!”

MONEY MATTERS

I think it only fair to give a nod to our Christian health care program, called Medishare. They

are not technically insurance, but they do try to support members with serious medical needs.

Jenny and I have used them for many years - they accept only committed Chrisitans, are

staunchly Biblical in their standards, and pray for our situation every time we call. The cost is

about $500 a month for a family. With Jenny having never been sick in her life, it seemed they

had the good end of the bargain.

But a brain biopsy, chemo and radiation, etc. is not cheap, and Medishare has paid most

bills. The treatment that clearly transformed Jenny’s condition from “weeks to live” last fall to

dancing around the living room and going on long walks, and travelling to Cincinnati and

Florida this Winter, was Avastin.

The catch is, Avastin is staggeringly expensive - at a discounted rate (self pay) each

infusion still costs about $28,000, which is every three weeks. For 11 treatments Medishare

has paid over $300,000 for this one drug - promptly and without fuss. Bless them!!

However, I cannot say it has been easy. Many hospitals do not recognize Medishare, so

they will not bill them, and then I have to request every detailed bill and forward to Medishare.

There are literally hundreds of bills, and hospitals do not detail them in the way Medishare

processes them, they each use different codes, so it is nearly impossible to know which bills

are paid. Medishare basically only pays “self pay” rates, which is different with every bill, and

some outfits do not offer any self-pay discount. Some bills end up in collection, and at that

point I just pay them myself, hoping to sort things out with Medishare later, which I have

learned is easier said than done.

To date I have paid 25 bills out of pocket totaling over $55,000, with little hope of

straightening them out (I’m still trying!).

I remember when my dear friend Mike Pakaluk started the “give-send-go” fund, and I

was embarrassed - money being the furthest thing from my mind. Well, thank you to those

who donated, and know it has been put to very important and practical and medical use!

Here is the link if you would like to help:

https://www.givesendgo.com/Help_Jenny_Swope

THE BIG DECISION

I have dreaded reaching the point where we would have to decide to stop the Avastin

infusions, but here we are. Jenny is now bedridden, and so weak that getting out of bed at all

is looking less and less likely. At the last infusion the doctor said it had run its course and was

no longer helping, and she recommended we begin hospice care. It does appear we are at

that point. All the children will be meeting on July 18 to decide. Hospice means Jenny is

actively dying and we only provide comfort.

For the last few days even the wheelchair is gathering dust, and Jenny seems only

partially conscious. She still likes be touched, but is not very responsive.

It was a very special grace that Jenny was healthy and alert enough on June 26 to

make both Anniversary Masses in two states and see so many of her dear friends.

Jenny is still willing to eat soft foods, though it takes a very long time. Drinking is hard

for her, as she does not know how to sip or use a straw.

I suspect a new update will be coming fairly soon.

Thank you all for the river of prayers that have buoyed us up along this journey. Visitors

are still welcome, as long as you understand Jenny is asleep much of the day.

Blessing to all,

Paul

June 22 Update

Dear Friends and Family,

So common - those searching eyes - as a friend who sees me with Jenny in her wheelchair, perhaps for the first time since her illness - that look of kind sympathy, and sometimes the words, spoken or unspoken, “and how are YOU doing?

Yes, there are rare times when I foolishly fantasize forward, seeing my beloved wife, cold and lifeless, in a pine box. Then the sorrow of it all can suddenly slam into my soul like a bolt of lightning, nearly paralyzing me, doubling me over with a rush of bitter tears.

But both the future and the past we cannot own or control. The present is all we truly possess, and there…yes, pain and sorrow, but deep joy and love too…

Jenny is no longer able to speak. Well, perhaps a single word, perhaps, but mostly the days are silent. So we have developed a gentle new communication. Jenny will occasionally hum - not a tune or several notes - just two notes: “hmm-mmm”. [note from G to E]. I will repeat them, perhaps in a slightly different cadence, then she will answer the same tones but slightly changed, and I will respond again. Each time is a way of expressing: "things are well,” “this world is beautiful,” “I am at peace”, or “it is good to be together.” At least that is what I “hear” from these “conversations”.

Jenny’s right side is completely dormant - her eye, arm and leg. This means I must gently dress and undress her each day. How many husbands do this for their wife each day? It is a tender, intimate time for both of us. (And I have a newfound admiration for 24/7 caregivers, and the skills involved in moving and caring for someone incapacitated.)

Husbands, do you hold your wife close to you each and every day? With Jenny, I must hug her close each time she gets in or out of bed, in or out of a car, at every bathroom visit, and every time getting in and out of her wheelchair. She holds me very tight with her good arm, hopping a bit on her one good leg, as I embrace her with both arms and swing her weight in the desired direction.

Sometimes she is so fuzzy in the head (especially in the morning) that she does not know what to do. I have to say “reach up and hug your hubby…up we go” and, once up, I'll whisper, “let’s dance a little in a tiny circle…”

It is my privilege to do this, not once or twice, but 12 - 18 times a day, every day. Am I not a most fortunate husband?

Husbands, do you look deeply into the eyes of your spouse each day? With Jenny unable to speak, we just look at each other. We all know how hard, intimidating and almost terrifying it is to look for long directly into the eyes of another. We are too weak, too afraid, too shallow, too ashamed.

What a privilege to have at least improved in this soulful exchange! And not just occasionally, but many times, every day.

Are not these small and gentle moments the gleaming gems of grace that often lie beneath the ashes of suffering? With hearts filled with faith, we can then cry out, this time with tears of joy - “Omnia in Bonum!”

Blessings to all,

Paul

P.S. - Another good example of appreciating small things - because Jenny can still at least hum a note, we wondered if she could be taught a simple song, note by note. Jenny has, or had, a lovely voice - See updates Dec. 22, Nov. 27, and especially July 20.

We could lament the terrible decline in Jenny's ability to speak and to sing, or we could see the joy of appreciating simple things. Here my son is trying, with only initial success, to teach his Mom "Mary Had A Little Lamb" [This is Nathan, age, 30, an indispensable care-giver, who has lived here since August]:

P.P.S. - For those in the area, Jenny and I plan to attend BOTH Anniversary Masses for St. Josemaria, the Founder of Opus Dei, on June 26th, The first in Nashua, NH at 12:00 at St. Patricks, and the second in Dedham, MA at St. Mary at 7:00pm. Please feel free to come up afterwards to say hello. Jenny recognizes everyone, and understands everything (just remember she can only see on her left side). Her love and affection has not diminished one bit!

May 20 Update

Dear Friends and Family,

The last update (March 28) shared the story of our visit with the Boston oncology team, who

said there was nothing more they could do.

To my surprise, not long after that visit Jenny agreed to an invitation from the in-laws of our

daughter Emily to go to Georgia to see Fr. Jim Blount, an internationally renowned preacher,

healer, and exorcist. Jenny’s mobility was decreasing, but with frequent use of the wheelchair

we managed the trip, and enjoyed seeing family and spend time with grandkids.

For well over a month Jenny’s right arm has been completely useless and immobile. It just

hangs or swings by her side like a piece of limp rope.

This reminds me of a indelible memory at the Atlanta airport...I had bought her a 1 ounce bag

of potato chips, opened it for her, and put it in her lap. At one point she needed to move, and

did so holding the bag in her left hand. Some time passed, and then I noticed an look of both

confusion and intense concentration on her face, as she peered deep into that little bag of

chips. “What is wrong?!” I asked “What on earth is in there?”

With a look of childlike innocence and in a high, plaintive voice, she looked up and asked “How

do I get thems out of there?” Because she was holding the bag in her only useable hand,

there seemed no way to solve such a riddle.

This is when the caretaker feels so useful and wise! I explained I would hold the bag while she

reached in to get her “yummies.” She smiled happily - all was well.

That trip was a good indication of the coming physical decline. On the way there, she spent a

full hour during a layover to go for a walk on her own, limping only slightly. But three days

later, on our way back, at the same airport, she would not consider walking without constantly

holding my hand.

A couple of days later, her walks were no longer possible. Instead, valiantly trying to get some

exercise while still she could, Jenny just walked in place, holding on to the mantlepiece in the

living room while looking at a picture of Our Lady of Guadelupe. (click on underlining for

video).

A few days after that, getting up even one stair was impossible, so she returned to sleeping in

the medical bed in the living room.

A few days after that, she lost all use of her right leg, and can only get around with a

wheelchair.

But, life goes on!

Here is a picture of our family

celebration of the new Pope -

For Mother’s Day, since Jenny loves gardening, we had kids over and wheelbarrowed dirt, spread fertilizer, and planted our entire raised garden.

And when there was nothing left to weed within reach, we hoisted her up into the raised garden and got some more good work out of her!

More than anything, Jenny wanted to write Mother’s Day cards to each of her daughters and daughters in law, and her Mom. After some hard practicing, this is a card she did all by herself:

Jenny’s prayer book, now containing hundreds of people, continues to be her focus. It is so used, that it recently fell apart, and we had to patch it together with duct tape.

For those of you who see Jenny at church, she probably seems pretty much the same -- smiling, able to communicate simple greetings, and calm. When asked how she is doing, she will often reply “happy.” Or with one visitor, she said she is “bery ipply.”

Let us all follow her example, and, no matter what life presents us with, be always “bery ipply.”

Paul

March 28 Update

Dear Friends and Family,

On March 25, our household - Jenny, myself, daughter Ruth, and son Nathan, headed down to Boston to meet with the lead oncologist at the Dana Farber Cancer Institute. We knew the meeting was likely to be important, as the MRI done about 10 days before did not bear good news. The written analysis stated the cancer had started to grow again, and had spread to a new area of the brain. We wanted to meet the Boston team and see the actual pictures for ourselves.

The doctor said pretty much what we expected to hear, and concluded that none of the options that Western medicine could offer

(surgery, more chemo, more radiation, clinical trials) would be of much use at this point. “I’m sorry” was about all the doctor could say.

But Jenny was not downcast, and simply said it was not unexpected. Then she raised her arm and pointed directly at the pretty nurse who stood across from her in the cramped examination room. “You will die!” she said in a not unkindly way. Then she turned her arm to the oncologist who sat right next to her. “And you too!” Then she lowered her arm and dropped her hand into her lap. With a slight shrug and a faint smile, she added, “Me....sooner.”

We will continue the Avastin treatments as long as they seem to be of help, but Western medicine has mostly run its course.

What has not run its course, and what is flourishing and will be needed more than ever, is what has probably been the best “medicine” all along: gentle, loving, prayerful care and support from her family and friends.

Jenny is counting on your prayers to help her remain strong during whatever trials are ahead. It is surely your prayers that have helped Jenny face this journey with peace and calm, as well as kept her so free of physical discomforts.

And it is surely your prayers that guided me to decide to travel with Jenny before her health might make that impossible. So let me share some good news of the past few weeks:

For Valentines Day I took Jenny to the Omni Mount Washington Hotel, including an all-day massage package.

While this is not Jenny’s frugal style, yes, she absolutely loved it, despite herself!

Jenny has always disliked the cold. With her illness, plus the effect of Avastin (which constricts blood vessels), cold is even harder on her.

So we spent a full week in West Palm Beach at a beautiful hotel with a room facing the ocean.

But what Jenny most loves is FAMILY.

So just a couple of weeks ago we flew to Cincinnati, where she basked in lots of attention from her friends and family.

Here she is playing cards with her three brothers

(L to R: Don, Bob, Rick).

As well as meeting many close and distant relatives at a Sunday open-house held in her honor...

And there were surprise graces, like attending Mass on March 19th, the Feast Day for St. Joseph, at St. Joseph’s Church, and meeting there the St. Joseph Rosary group, in which Jenny’s Mom (Marjorie, to Jenny’s right in the picture below) is an active and beloved member. Marjorie had told the group about Jenny’s diagnosis last summer, and many have sent cards that still hang from ribbons in our dining room. They have continued to pray for her every week, but NEVER expected that she would be well enough to come to Cincinnati! It was a wonderful meeting of prayerful souls!

This was a good example of the beautiful communion of souls of which we are all a part. Thank you for your part in this divine tapestry.

Jenny continues to welcome visitors. In fact, when our youngest daughter Jacinta, who attends the nearby Thomas More College asked if we would consider taking in a couple of students during the upcoming Easter break (one is from Slovakia and has nowhere to stay), Jenny did not hesitate a second “Of course!” she said, and added, while pointing to her brain “even if my brain is brthbrthbzz” (that word does not translate).

The picture prayer book has become an ever greater focus of Jen’s life. She is constantly adding to it, with a sense of urgency, even searching for more distant relatives and past generations. She knows well that prayer is supremely important, and one thing she can still do.

Prayer, prayer, prayer - it is the triumphant weapon and the glorious torch of hope for all of us.

Wishing you every blessing during this Lenten season,

Paul

Feb 4 Update

Dear Friends and Family,

I realize it has been some time since you have received an update. This is partly because I have learned not to panic when Jenny has a bad spell, as I used to assume things would only get worse. There was a very worrisome but brief period which included a severe headache and loss of her right arm (in fact, it would move around in the air involuntarily as if she was conducting an unseen orchestra). But overall her condition has stabilized!

It seemed best to wait to write until we saw how the last two infusions have gone, and the news, on the whole, is very positive.

On a good day she can still dance around the house like a youthful whippersnapper! Check this out!

Other than her daily prayers, Mass, and a full hour walk (carrying weights), Jenny's highest priority is to pray through her entire picture prayer book every day. In fact, she has worn out some of the pages, so she has to do regular repair and reconstruction, as well as updates for new prayer intentions. Here she is hard at work:

For decades Jenny has made a silent retreat each year at the Arnold Hall retreat center in Pembroke, MA (video of Arnold Hall here). Never would we have thought this far into her illness that she could attempt such a thing, but she bravely decided to make a retreat this January! She does require constant assistance, so my daughter Ruth drove her there and joined her for the 3 and a half day retreat..

Here she is praying in the chapel...

And even here Jenny will never forget to pray for all of you in her picture prayer book....

Jenny has said a couple of times "this is such a happy place." But that is my editing, as her speech is still limited and often hilariously "creative".

What she actually said was "this is a berry plappy hace."

At such creative use of the language, she laughs along with us.

I continue to hear of the many people who still pray for dear Jenny. Well, you can see the graces she is receiving pretty clearly!

Thank you again, and again.

Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God of Hosts!

Blessings to all,

Paul

Happy New Year from the Swopes

Jenny with her 11 grandkids

From Jenny and Paul, married 1984, to a clan of 26 (plus one more on the way). All came home this Christmas!

Harmony in clothing of the youngest 10 grandkids, if not in spirit :)

(One of Jenny's favorites - three princesses reading cards on the wall)

Dec. 22 Update

Dear Friends and Family,

A brief note to wish you and all your loved ones a most blessed Christmas! Probably like you, our far flung family members are gathering, and the house is full of laughter and joy. Jenny is doing well, still walking at least an hour a day (dancing around the house if it is too cold outside!). Her speech is quite restricted, but she continues to be good humored about it. Just yesterday while saying the Rosary, instead of "Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee" she said "Holly Mary, crispy Lord..."

There have been ups and downs since the first amazing results from the Avastin, and we are now on the third infusion. As predicted, the effect seems to lessen each time. However, an MRI taken just last week did show at least some shrinkage of the tumor. We are grateful for each new day, and the house remains full of good cheer.

I thought I would share a couple of videos of Jenny singing, both very short. The first is a selection from the Christmas Songs our family sang to honor the Arnold Hall Conference Center. This was two years ago and Jenny is singing with 7 of our 9 kids (as shown in the video, left to right): Evan, Aaron, Ruth, Jenny, Nathan, Joe, Jacinta, Emily. It just worked out that we had 2 bass, 2 tenor, 2 alto, and 2 soprano.

https://youtu.be/A6xtImJ575Q (If interested, here is the longer version with 3 songs and going 8 minutes: https://youtu.be/xVTR3ZfynSA )

On the lighter side, here is a sample of a silly German love song Jenny and I sang as a birthday present to her mom (Jenny's maiden name is Wurzelbacher!), just a couple of years ago:

https://youtube.com/shorts/rSKpfQD-oxI

There are so many things to be grateful for - very high on the list is our wonderful community that has supported us in prayer, friendship, and material support. Jenny continues to pray through her entire picture/pray book every single day.

Wishing you every Christmas blessing,

Paul

Shorter clip

Longer video

Nov. 27 Update

Dear Friends and Family,

The last update celebrated the remarkable impact of the first infusion of new drug Avastin. Jenny went to Boston for her second infusion on November 19th. After examining her, the doctor said he had never in his career seen such a dramatic improvement. We are now a week past that second infusion, and Jenny continues to show remarkable energy. The following 24 second video says it all:

As is probably clear from my updates, I was not aware that one could make improvements with this type of cancer. When Jenny sank into speaking gibberish, I assumed that was the end of her normal speech. How wonderful it is to be totally wrong!

Consider this 25 second sample of her speech way back on Sept. 9:

https://youtube.com/shorts/cx-2C1LP5lI?feature=share

Now compare it with Jenny's message to all of you, recorded yesterday November 26th!:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ovcVCgUSJY

Wishing each of you a wonderful Thanksgiving - may we all give thanks for the many blessings and graces in our lives,

Paul

Nov. 9 Update

Dear Friends and Family,

At last writing, Jenny was about to start the new drug Avastin, considered the last hope to slow the effects of the brain tumor.

One reason I have waited to write is that she is doing so well it is almost impossible to believe, and I didn’t want to initiate unwarranted celebrations after just one or two "up" days. Nor does the news in this email suggest she will outlive this tumor.

However, the day I took her to Boston to start Avastin, she was so weak that the staff decided it was not possible even to have her step out of the wheelchair and onto the scale to be weighed, or to stand upright on both feet to have her height checked. That evening I spoon fed her dinner and brushed her teeth for her. Those days seem very long ago!

Now she is getting herself up each morning, then dressing herself, and we go to daily Mass. She sits, kneels, stands, and sings like everyone else.

Yesterday, after an hour of walking, she wanted more exercise, so we walked to church for evening prayer. Afterwards, after going down the 25 steps in front of the church, I suggested she go back up for extra exercise. She did it easily, so we made another round, and another, and another. At the top, looking at the Tabernacle, we prayed each time “O Sacrament Most Holy, O Sacrament Divine, All Praise and all Thanksgiving be every moment Thine.” We did 10 rounds -- so a total of 250 steps up and down, and Jenny had plenty of energy to walk home! As you see, she did not even need assistance.

She is so independent she does light housework during the day, and no longer sleeps in the medical bed on the first floor, but has returned to our room on the third floor.

Her speech is also dramatically improved. Before the treatment just 2-3 solid words in a row was the norm. Now she can engage the family in conversation on a variety of topics.

One area I was certain would not improve is her ability to read or write (the first thing the tumor destroyed). Wrong again. While reading is not possible, just yesterday Jenny was able, with a good deal of coaching, to write on her own. So she sent "love letters" to each of her children. Here is one [yes, it looks like a young child, but the feat is incredible!]

I could move on to her spiritual state, but suspect some would make more of that than is appropriate, nor would Jenny want me to share much in this area.

I can share that Jenny repeatedly says how happy she is. “Happy, happy, happy, so happy….” The other day she spent much of the day with a look of wonderment on her face. More than once she turned to me and said “Do you not know what is happening?… Everything…absolutely everything…is perfect….it all happens before I ask…before I even think it. It is wonderful. It is a grace! It is a total grace! A big fat one. I don’t know why. But…my world has been - there is nothing I miss, nothing I need, nothing at all, everything is….the whole world…is so….perfect. Why? Why is everybody, everything, perfect - for me? Thank you God, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.”

So we rejoice in all these improvements, and thank you for the prayers that we believe are unleashing so many graces.

Paul

Oct. 22 Update

Dear friends and family,

Today, October 22, is the feast day of Pope Saint John Paul II. I hope you have celebrated the life of this towering saint.

Question: How many American women have been personally caressed by Pope Saint John Paul II, not once, but twice?

Answer: I don't know how many!, but one is Jennifer Swope.

Scene I: We were newly married in 1984 and travelling to Fatima, Lourdes, and Rome (just as we did this June). We of course made sure to attend JP II's general audience. Because we were newlyweds, we were given preferential seating, and Jenny happened to end up along the corridor he used to exit. The crowd was standing and pressing her into the barrier, everyone trying to touch him. He never reached out to the crowd on that exit, except when he passed Jenny's beaming face (who was not trying to touch him, just beaming). He paused, caressed her cheek briefly, and said, in Italian, "My blessing upon all married couples."

Scene II: About 20 years later, when St. John Paul's speech was slurred, he was bent over in his chair, wracked with Parkinson's Disease, he was again at a Papal audience. For a reason I cannot recall (I think it was the Year of the Family), Jenny and I were honored to be the couple representing the United States, and a representative couple from each nation could go up and briefly greet the Pope after his address. Jenny became so overcome with emotion and love that she basically collapsed into the Pope's lap! He again caressed her before she moved away (was taken away!)....

Back to the realities of 2024:

The last update mentioned that the Boston oncologist wanted to do an MRI, as he was not convinced that the CAT scan done at the local hospital was definitive in showing that the tumor had spread from the left to the right hemisphere. So we had an MRI done in Boston on Oct.15th.

It turns out that BOTH doctors are more or less correct. While the tumor has not broken into the right hemisphere, it is so large that it is bulging into and now affecting the right side, and the line dividing the hemispheres is no longer as clear. The tumor has herniated, extending downward against the brain stem. There is relatively little that can be done at this point, as Jenny has consistently declined considering further chemo, clinical trials, (nor do the doctors think these would help much).

The only thing that seems to offer a hope of at least an increased quality of life is a drug called Avastin. It is likely to reduce swelling, and could, in theory, take the place of Decadron, the steroid Jenny has been on since the beginning. Yes, there are a number of possible side effects from Avastin, but they do not appear to be too likely, and in theory we could cycle off of Decadron, which definitely has negative side effects. We think it is a chance worth taking. The best part is it will just be a 30 minute infusion done every 3 weeks, so it will not involve much travel nor taking lots of new pills every day. We start that the day after tomorrow, Thursday, the 24th.

So we treasure every day, every moment, with dear Jenny. She has had some wonderful visits with friends...

Jeff and Clara Wilder and children....

Denise and Bill Radzelovage

The weather has been summer-like, so the past couple of days we go for long strolls in the wheelchair with family, or go to our parish for our half hour of prayer before the Blessed Sacrament. Here Jenny enjoys the warm fall day with her daughter-in-law Camille and grandchild Mila:

A special call out to the wonderful ladies who provide the "meal train." Every meal has been enjoyed immensely, and it has been a huge support. It's hard to imagine life without this unseen army!

A last anecdote: We have been trying to be sure Jenny wants to go ahead with this last treatment, but understanding her wishes is increasingly difficult. Sometimes we go a whole day without figuring out what she repeatedly tries to express. One evening after dinner, when things were quiet and she lay in bed, she looked up at me searchingly. Slowly and with focus, she said "No....more............." I braced myself for what I thought was the moment of a revelatory statement like, "no more treatments," but instead, still very serious, she completed her thought: "no.....more........yummies?" [ Yummies is her word for anything sweet.]

Jenny is still eating well, so thank you to those who give her that simple pleasure.

Blessing and thanks to each and every one of you,

Paul

Oct. 15 Update

I know many are waiting to hear of Jenny's condition since my last update. The week has been full of surprises:

"What!?" Jenny cried, with a look of disbelief, shock and confusion.

"Did you not know you have been in the hospital for the last day and night?" I asked. "No!!" she answered, still looking at me with horror.

In that conversation I was to learn she had zero recall of the long sleepless night of intense discomfort, or any part of her overnight at the hospital, or why her mother had flown in, or why she was on a catheter, or now in hospice.

It was a kind of 40 hour "valley of death" which she does not recall even now.

But after those 40 hours, she more or less "woke up," and her condition improved. She started to sit up, eat and drink normally, and even started standing up. Those of you who came to visit were surprised at her alertness, I'm sure. It was another grace filled period that allowed many of her dearest friends to spend some wonderful moments together. We had up to 13 families/couples/individuals visiting each day. It was exhausting, but........it was all meant to happen.

A surprise of the week was Sunday morning, when Jenny, largely bedridden to this point, announced she would like to go to Sunday Mass! Not totally absurd, but she would have to go in a wheelchair. Without a vehicle to accomodate a wheelchair, and knowing the difficulty and dangers of getting her in or out of a car a total of 4 times, the only option was to push her through the streets. Not a big problem, except it was cold and rainy. Jenny put on her Sunday dress, we bundled her up, grabbed an umbrella, and off we went.

[As you can see below, Jenny is NOT always smiling! Rain and cold make her frown]

After the Mass many parishioners came up, including our parish priest. Again Jenny reserved her biggest smile for him (yes, I am getting jealous):

What now? The hospital had thought it best to switch to hospice care, and we have had a very good experience this last week with the Visiting Nurse Association of Southern New Hampshire. However, our main oncologist in Boston believes the CAT scan done in the emergency room of Elliott hospital was not clear on what is happening in Jenny's brain. Inflammation can look like the tumor, and he recommends an MRI, which has much better resolution. So this Friday we go to Dana Farber Boston for a final MRI, blood work, and meeting with the oncologist about the results of both. That day should map out our course going forward: either return to hospice with no further medical efforts, or consider some kind of additional treatment.

Understanding Jenny's speech is an increasing challenge. Yesterday she was being very persistent, all day, about something that Ruth, Nathan, and I could not decipher, hard as we tried. Living with Jenny is a bit like playing the game "20 Questions" all day long. It was about 8:30 PM when we stumbled upon her focused concern - she was worried about how she could receive communion since we would be in Boston for most of the day. Such wonderful priorities! Jenny continues to live her life of piety to the full, including a half hour of prayer morning and evening. She has been known to remind us, if we get busy and distracted!

We will continue to welcome visitors, but with a reduced schedule. Using Calendly was a godsend, as it syncs with our 3 calendars, we can adjust it any time, and is the only way we can all be up to date on who is coming when.

Feel free to come again if you have already visited, but please use the Calendly link: https://calendly.com/arnoldhall-mtg/jenny-swope-visitation

Maybe it is important to share that the visits, as the household in general, is full of fun and laughter....

Warmest thanks to all of you who make this journey so full of blessings,

Paul

Oct. 9 Update

Dear Ruth,

Jenny had a peaceful stay at the hospital. This is our reunion in the morning -- greeted with a smile!

Jenny transitioned home smoothly... here is her mom helping her with the prayer book:

Jenny saved her biggest smile for the visit from our parish priest who brought communion:

We welcome visits. Below is a link to book any time that works for you within the open times.

Currently the visitation windows are: 10-11AM, 2-4PM, 7-8PM. As you can well understand, to accommodate Jenny and the needs of the family, these times could shift, and we will keep this link up to date. You can make changes or cancellations as needed from the site, and I will be notified automatically.

https://calendly.com/arnoldhall-mtg/jenny-swope-visitation

15 minute visit time, and 5 minutes buffer between visits. If you cannot/do not use links or computers, or need to arrange a special time, you can of course still text me directly - 603-858-1320.

Jenny is so weak that she has not been able to suck on a straw. I blendered yogurt with fruit, and the only way to feed her was for me to suck liquid into the straw, hold it, then release it gently into her mouth.

What a beautiful, precious experience. She cannot say anything now - but I could tell she knew it was an intimate moment. I asked, "Are you happy?" She brightened right up, smiled, and croaked "yup."

So, in the joy of love and hope of the resurrection, I thank you again for your kindness. It has been a consolation to read texts of support from so many people. It is my spiritual and emotional "medication."

Paul

Oct. 8 Update

Dear Friends and Family,

The last update showed Jenny joyfully dancing on her birthday (Sept. 29). Just 5 days ago she was taking walks for over an hour. But recently the right side of her body started to lose function (as they predicted, with a tumor in the left brain). Last night, for the very first time, she did not sleep, but was extremely uncomfortable and agitated. By morning it was clear we needed to get her to a doctor, and the only way to get quick attention is going to an emergency room. So four of my children and I carried her to our car and took her to Elliott. It seemed very likely she had a urinary tract infection (UTI), which is serious and even fatal if untreated, but no problem with antibiotics.

I'm afraid the news was much worse. She does not have UTI, but instead the CAT scan revealed the tumor has also now grown into the right hemisphere of her brain, and even basic functions are apparently starting to shut down. She is not expected to live long. So she is overnighting at the hospital and will come home tomorrow under hospice care.

I needed to write this tonight, because I need to be in touch with this wonderful family of loving, prayerful people. Thank you for being on this journey with me. You are a great source of support.

Paul

Sept. 30 Update

Dear friends and family,

The hour prayer vigil on September 27 at St. Francis of Assisi was a great event, with over 100 people attending. Thank you again to Jeanine Landry for organizing such a prayerful time.

On the way home from that event, Jenny wanted to pray the Rosary with her Mom, who is from Cincinnati. We pray together by phone every day, but normally Jenny only nods wordlessly. On this occasion, to my shock, Jenny started saying the entire Rosary with us!

And when I asked her to repeat her new granddaughter's name, this time she said it clearly and repeatedly - "Sadie! Sadie! Sadie!" She has been able to say it ever since.

Jenny's powers of speech have improved pretty dramatically in the last 3-4 days. I guess her speech is shockingly poor for someone who knew her before or who expects normalcy, but shockingly good for those of us who have been with her. She even says her evening prayers in Latin now!

Her birthday on September 29th was wonderful - all her children and grandchildren who live nearby came to Sunday Mass with her, she and I brought up the gifts, and Monica Rahilly had kindly arranged to have Jenny be the intention for that Mass. Then we had a large zoom gathering with all her family from Cincinnati and all her own children and grandchildren who were not here in person.

And, a good friend, Chris Trudeau, who is a part-time professional DJ, came by and set up his equipment and played Jenny's favorite songs from the 1980s.

Here is a great 30 second clip of the evening (Jenny is dancing with her daughter Ruth, and son Nathan - two of our children who live here and are indispensable helps): https://youtu.be/XwMb7eRMqAo

Another dear friend, Gisele Costa, who is a professional photographer, came by and took pictures of our family. I may share those another time (I haven't received them yet).

So we are carried along by the kindness, generosity, and prayers of our friends and family.

Thank you!

Paul

Sept. 24 Update

Dear Friends and Family,

It has dawned on me how helpful and important these updates are.... for me! - an essential kind of processing of this journey, as I feel your prayers and support, and need to be in touch. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being there.

And things change so fast I don't want to wait too long between communicating. It was just 3 weeks ago that Jenny was at the Speech Therapy office, and practicing "automatic speech." For example, someone says "salt and ____" (pepper) "boy and ____" (girl)

"north and _____" (south). Jenny was pretty much 100% a whole page of exercises.

Those days seem ages ago, and now her ability to retrieve words (except for a few), or even repeat them, is gone. Recently I was alone with her, with no other noise or distraction, and I asked her to repeat the simple word "book." She paused thoughtfully, and answered "fruffle". Then she looked at me with her warm, innocent brown eyes, as if asking "was that right?" I said no, and repeated the word slowly, with her looking at my mouth. She replied "Rum-run". And so it goes. The automatic speech exercise is now 0%.

Last thursday my daughter in law had her second child, at the local hospital. Nothing on earth is more important to Jenny than family, and celebrating new life. Her one burning desire was to learn, and say, the newborn girl's name: Sadie. But hearing and repeating is not something she can do. No matter how many times I repeated that name - nothing close to the correct sounds came out. In a very rare outburst that almost no one ever sees (except hubby), she finally was overcome with frustration, and shouted at the top of her voice, tearfully and clearly: "God help me! God help me! GOD HELP ME!" When she calmed down, she kept trying - all through the day, and the next day, hour after hour, with little or no success. It was a heart rending testament to her devotion to her new grandchild.

As would be expected, her ability to understand things is shrinking also. Jenny still lives her spiritual "plan of life" with complete faithfulness: 30 minutes of prayer both the morning and afternoon, which she does in front of the Blessed Sacrament. Sometimes she is too tired to sit up. She might lay her head in my lap, or even lie in the aisle, as shown here with her daughter Ruth - always being sure she can see the Tabernacle.

Daily she also listens to the Rosary [she cannot say any of the Rosary, but nods or hums in assent], Daily Mass, Bible reading, spiritual reading, the Angelus, morning offering, etc. But now she can no longer understand long abstract reading, so spiritual reading will have to be dropped. Because the Bible is so familiar she still understands and enjoys that. She still understands most normal, simple conversation. She knows all her friends and family - and loves them!

Her focus now is praying for all of the intentions you have sent. Last night after I put her to bed and turned off the lights, I later found her sitting up in bed, lights on, praying through her "picture prayer binder."

Here she is today, adding to it and refining it. Yes, that is a chicken on the floor. We have 6 chickens and one is oddly tame. Normally not allowed in the house, but Jenny seems to enjoy it.

Jenny is physically pretty healthy. She goes for a walk everyday, sometimes works in the garden, eats well, and sleeps soundly. Last night, after putting her to bed, while stroking my hand she repeated, "love,love,love" and "mine, mine, mine". Too many tears at my end to answer :) And as I left, she sighed deeply, saying "happy, happy, happy." Here she is tucked in for her daily nap.

For any of you who have read this far, I should mention that Sunday, September 29 is Jenny's birthday (62)! [One more anecdote about life with Jenny: today we had to get blood drawn, and the nurses of course ask name and DOB. Jenny has no clue as to her first or last name or her DOB. When the second nurse asked her DOB, she innocently answered: "soon."] Boy, will we have a big celebration for that day, for this life - she is such a gift.

Blessings to you and your families,

Paul

Sept. 21 Update

Dear friends and family,

The last four days Jenny and I have been going for daily Mass to the home of Derek and Emily McDonald. They have been close friends for many, many years (since before they were married!) - they now have 5 boys, ages 2,4,6,8,and 10. The oldest boy is Leo. Less than a year ago Leo was found to have a rare form of brain cancer that is considered incurable, and was given less than a year to live. Recently the medical team sent him home and said there was nothing more they could do. But there is much that can be done through prayer. I would ask that you say a prayer for Leo and his family, perhaps just a Memorarae before you go on to the next email.

This Spring we were often at the McDonalds to help watch the boys when Emily took Leo down to Boston for treatments. Who could possibly have guessed that Jenny would herself then be diagnosed with incurable Glioblastoma! We are sorry not to be able to help the McDonald's like we used to...but we still pray daily for them.

Here is a picture from yesterday, before the Mass, when we were all praying the prayer card of Fr. Joseph Muzquiz - asking not for one miracle to cure one brain tumor, but TWO!!

Thank you again for your prayer support.

Paul

Below is a picture with all the boys.....

Sept. 11 Update

Dear Friends and Family,

On Sept. 3 Jenny finished her 6 week round of chemotherapy and radiation. After the last visit, all the nurses gather around a bell that is near the exit, and Jenny is asked to ring it three times.

Here she is holding her "diploma" and glad to ring it:

But then she actually rang it - it was LOUD!

For a few days life was quiet and peaceful. Jenny's mental capacity was shrinking, but she could get around pretty well. With the nice weather she loved working in the garden. I made a 22 second video of her singing a lovely song while she works alone on the tomatoes...

IMG_6212.mov

As many of you know, Jenny has wanted to do something to respond to the immense generosity that has been shown to her (and our family) - the emails, cards, flowers, meals, visits, and financial support. So she created a "prayer book" for all the intentions requested from friends and family, and prays it every day, at least. She cannot read names or words, so she prays by having her daughter Ruth read the names and then she touches or rubs each person. Here is a common scene:

But this cancer does not slow down. Jenny cannot recall the names of her children (although we practice often). This past Sunday, before Mass began, I turned to her and asked if she knew who I was - "What is my name?" I asked. She looked at me for a long time, gazing into my eyes, searching for the word. It did not come. Finally she said "Mine!" "You are mine!" You're my only!" What more could one possibly ask for? What need of names?

What makes that anecdote especially poignant is that those were some of Jenny's last words to me. After that Sunday Mass we had a normal visit with our son Aaron and his family, picked some things in the garden, went for a walk, and then Jenny took her usual early afternoon nap. But when she woke up the sounds she made were not intelligible. Her speech has not returned since (I write this on Wednesday). We do a lot of guessing, and multiple choice, as Jenny understands everyone well, but the sounds from her mouth (except for the first 1-2 words) are not English. We think this is related to the recent reduction in the steroid Decadron that she has been taking steadily since her first MRI at the very end of May. So we have increased the dose and can hope things will improve.

The picture above was taken last night, so, speaking or not, Jenny is praying for you!

We continue to count on your prayers,

Paul

August 29 Update and Thanks

Dear friends and family,

So much to share, and so much gratitude from our end…..

First, we invited many to send pictures of people they would like Jenny to pray for (we write in the names and intentions and read them to her). The response has been wonderful, and her “Picture Prayer Book” is growing by the day. It is on her bed (she sleeps on a medical bed in the living room) and she looks through it frequently. Jenny is delighted to feel she can really be of some help to all those who are supporting her.

Many of you have also supported the online giving project (GiveSendGo.com) started by my friend Mike Pakaluk. He will soon provide me with emails, and I will be able to thank each of you kind souls.

As Jenny would say: “So many graces….so many….so many”

My son Nathan (28) and daughter Ruth (24) are living here, and among the three of us we can keep up with all the various demands. We all agreed that at this point we feel almost overwhelmed to be the target of so many prayers, so much support, so many sacrifices - donations of time, donations of food, donations of financial support and cards and flowers……surely this is winning great graces for YOU, far more than us who receive them. We are all humbled by the outpouring.

The immediate cause of this update is that many of you were made aware of our 40th wedding anniversary on August 25th. Jenny had a "big gift" for me, and she wanted to feel her best that day, so I know many, many people asked to pray for that simple and wonderful intention. And many people even sent Anniversary cards and flowers!

SUCCESS! It was an absolutely wonderful day, and Jenny was in good spirits. In the morning all Swopes were on hand for Mass, followed by Renewal of Wedding Vows. Jenny was seated to conserve her energy, so I knelt beside her. I could not imagine getting through the vows of marriage , looking into Jenny’s eyes, and both of us knowing my sweet bride would not likely be with me too much longer. Yes, I collapsed in tears…

Then we had a large brunch at our house with our families (two of my sons live nearby with growing families). For the rest of the day I had booked a nice room and dinner at the Bedford Village Inn, and Jenny gave me her present during our dinner - a beautiful printed book of our 7-month-long honeymoon around the world (hitch-hiking), including original letters home, pictures, maps, etc. Again, I collapsed in tears and had to order tissues from the waiter. He was gracious about the request.

Here is a picture of us outside the Inn.

As we walked around those gardens, Jenny was humming a tune from the Wizard of Oz. I asked her if I could record it (especially given the stanza she best remembered) - it's at the bottom of this letter.

Jenny remains in pretty good health, and sometimes I catch her singing as she moves around in the kitchen (short recording below!)

To invite you a little more into Jenny's world, we also saw a speech therapist, and below is a recording of Jenny as she looks at a picture of a hammock and a stethoscope - she knows the pictures she is looking at, and can describe them in various ways, but finding the matching word is a challenge. I particularly love Jenny's good humor as she says about the stethoscope picture "oh, that thing, yes, I see that alot....these days...."

Bedford Village Inn.m4a

Jenny sings "If I only had a brain"

80 Nashua Rd 4.m4a

Jenny singing around the kitchen

80 Nashua Rd.m4a

Jenny at Speech therapy

Jenny is a sweet soul, and each day with her is precious - a gift of grace.

Saying THANK YOU is totally inadequate to express the deep gratitude we feel, but it shall have to do! Thank you all a thousand times.

Wishing you all God's blessings,

Jenny, Paul, Ruth, and Nate

August 15 Update

Dear friends and family,

First, happy feast day of the Assumption!

I realize my first three updates were all bearing bad news: first, Jenny has an incurable and inoperable brain tumor - an extremely aggressive cancer called Glioblastoma. Then the second MRI showed the tumor had grown from a walnut size to a large cauliflower size in just six weeks; and third, that she has non-metholayted Glioblastoma, the worst kind that generally does not respond to chemotherapy. And, in that email, I shared that her cognitive decline took a bad turn for the worse, that visits would be restricted, etc.

Jenny and I have seen a steady and accelerating mental decline over the last two months. It seemed to us that by mid August or certainly September that she would not be able to communicate at all, and her body would likely begin to shut down.

While none of the above are untrue, it is time for some good news!

In the last week her mental capacities have markedly IMPROVED! The speech therapy consultation we had cancelled as a waste of time is now back on the schedule.

Why the improvement? It could be a variety of factors: an adjustment in her medications, the impact of the 3 weeks of chemotherapy and radiation (half way through the 6 week protocol!), the influence of the overwhelming prayer support she receives daily, and/or the addition of alternative medicine treatments. Probably a combination of all of the above.

Many of you have urged us to consider alternative methods such as Mebendazole/Fenbendazole, Ivermectin, CBD, etc. She started all of these three about a week ago, along with regimen of supplements and vitamins. Thank you for those who took the time to send links, clinical trials, etc. These things do not conflict with her current treatments, and seem worth a try.

Other good news is the shower of graces we see. People returning to church, decade- long estrangements reconciled, and a stream of people not just praying, but making specific sacrifices for Jenny. One good friend offered up her labor and delivery!

Among our favorites are the prayers and gifts of children. Jenny helped organize a Mom’s group and a Girl’s Club, and many of the girls are offering specific prayer sacrifices. Below is a picture of one such spiritual bouquet……the children wrote:

…” I pray for you every night before bed”

…”I will pray a Hail Mary for you every night”

….”Remembering you and your family in our daily Divine Mercy Chaplet intentions”

…”We will offer a family Rosary”

…”doing a St. Joseph novena for you”

Going forward, Jenny’s six week chemo and radiation ends about September 10, and the 3rd MRI is 4 weeks later (to allow the inflammation caused by the treatment to subside, allowing for clear pictures of the MRI). That MRI is scheduled for October 10.

We thought that was absurdly and hopelessly far away! But no longer. We are giving this tumor a very hard time.

The highlight of each day continues to be reading Jenny the “love letters” we receive in each day’s mail. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Blessings to all,

Jenny

(and Paul, her faithful scribe, secretary, chauffeur, medical assistant, travel manager (about a dozen out-of-state family and friends have been here in the last 2 weeks), sometimes cook, visit manager, masseuse, walking support, and husband)

August 8 Update

Dear Friends and Family,

The cards and prayers continue to pour in. How could we ever thank you enough! Today I read to Jenny 7 new “love letters” that came in the morning mail. I had to stop`more than once as my eyes filled with tears. Such kind things are said!

My plan for this update was something lighter….

For example, a few weeks ago Jenny quipped to a friend: “Paul had Stage IV cancer and survived; two years later our 19 year-old Aaron had Stage IV cancer and survived. I guess if I survive, our family will have to be renamed “The Derry Dodgers.”

Or, while not humorous, also on the lighter side - for a while, after the initial MRI, CAT scans, and biopsy, the medical bills were outnumbering the “love letters.” We had a daily count that would be loudly announced. I am happy to say the love has far outstripped the bills. [Word has reached me that my dear friend Mike Pakaluk has started a funding page -https://www.givesendgo.com/Help_Jenny_Swope?utm_source=sharelink&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_campaign=Help_Jenny_Swope Bless you Mike!]

We have been hanging each “love-letter” on a ribbon at the main doorway - filling the length of one ribbon, then two, then the other side of the doorway, three ribbons four; then another door - five ribbons full, six, seven, eight…… now three doors are all festooned on both sides

Below are most of them with all the wonderful flowers. Thank you again!

But the news is not all smiles and roses. The analysis of the tumor shows it is the worst kind of Glioblastoma (non-methylated), which means the chemo is not likely to be of much help.

And, just yesterday, Jenny’s ability to express herself seriously deteriorated. She still understands what is spoken or read to her, but her ability to respond is very limited. I think visits will become more restricted, and if you had planned to write, do so very soon.

Let me say one of Jenny’s strongest desires is to answer each person who has written. It is a lovely idea, but I’m afraid not too likely. I hope you will understand. Know that reading these letters is a highlight of each and every day. They are read with tears of gratitude and appreciation.

A very bright silver lining of this whole ordeal is this outpouring of love and prayers.

Bless you all,

Paul and Jenny

July 20 Update

Dear Family and Friends,

First, let me thank those of you who have sent emails and cards to Jenny. I read her each one, and she very much hopes to answer each one. The outpouring of prayers and concern is not just deeply appreciated, but deeply felt. It is your prayers that continue to fuel the graces Jenny is receiving.

This letter is going to a wider circle of people, so I will have to repeat a bit. Up until two months ago, Jenny was the healthiest person I have ever known - In the 40 years we have been married, she has never had a single prescription, never even had a doctor (PCP), and other than an occasional cold, never been sick.

But at the end of May she was struggling to read fluently, and it wasn’t a problem with her eyes. An MRI on May 31st revealed a brain tumor, and it had the markings of Glioblastoma, an incurable and very aggressive cancer. On June 19 a craniotomy was performed so a sample could be sent to a lab. On June 28th we learned it was indeed high-grade Glioblastoma.

It so happened that last year we had planned a pilgrimage to Fatima, Lourdes, and Rome, and we decided to still make that trip, which began 2 days after the diagnosis. It was a grace filled, almost magical time together, and Jenny felt remarkably well. We attribute that to all the prayers we felt coming our way.

The pilgrimage was from June 30 - July 12, and our next medical meeting, July 15th, was with the oncology specialist to begin radiation and chemotherapy. However, another MRI was required to see how the tumor might have changed from the first MRI. Jenny felt so well she had hoped it might be smaller.

We were utterly unprepared for what the 2nd MRI revealed. In just six weeks the tumor has grown many times its original size, and seems to dominate her left hemisphere. Jenny said it looked “like an angry storm.”

The doctor said that without treatment, death would be a matter of a few months. With treatment, the best case was “a year since symptoms began, maybe.” Some strains of Glioblastoma respond to chemo and radiation (not towards a cure but to halt its rate of growth) and some do not.

Thanks be to God, Jenny continues to be without any pain. She still sleeps beautifully, eats well, and in some ways is the same old Jenny. She tires easily, is always a bit dizzy, cannot read or write at all, and her sense of time or schedules is increasingly diminished. But she can still say, from memory, long prayers and she can still play Candyland with her grandchildren! And she sings beautifully.

Jenny is as calm as ever, utterly abandoned to God’s Will, and utterly convinced God knows all, and is directing all to the greatest good. When we saw the devastating results of the second MRI, we went to church together to pray. It was 10:15 at night (Jenny has a key). Strangely, the choir director was still there rehearsing a song with someone. These are the words we heard as we genuflected and knelt down before the Blessed Sacrament:

“Only in God is found glory

When I am found meek and found lowly

My stronghold, my Savior

I shall not be afraid at all,

My stronghold, my Savior

I shall not be moved

Only in God is my soul at rest

In Him comes my salvation.”

......Today Jenny sang this song "Only In God" with 2 of her daughters. Don't miss the end! https://youtu.be/EOPQN_wkn6o

Now more practical issues:

A number of people want to visit Jenny, and that should be possible, depending on her health and energy.

We continue to pray every day to Fr. Joseph Muzquiz for a miraculous cure, be it God’s Will.

Chemo and radiation will start this Monday, July 22, and we can hope this treatment will slow the tumor down. Her treatment is not for a cure, as mentioned, so it will not be as invasive as some chemo treatments can be. The doctor said the main side effect will be increasing fatigue. The treatment will be radiation 5 times a week, for six weeks, plus a weekly chemo pill. We will know what is next when we see how Jenny, and the tumor, respond.

A terminal illness is a wake-up call on many levels. May we all awaken to the call from our tender and loving Father, to accept, and to follow, and to love His divine Will. Jenny is a wonderful example of how this can be done, with peace and joy.

Please, please continue your prayers - we continue to lean on them. And I can assure you Jenny prays for all of her family and friends, by name (it is a long list!)

Blessings to all,

Paul and Jenny

July 8 Update on Pilgrimage

Dear family and friends,

On Friday we spent most of the day with St. Theresa of Avila. We visited her birthplace, the place where she died, and one of the most important monasteries that she founded. This monastery was converted into a museum which contained St. Teresa’s tomb, a relic of her right arm, and an urn with her entire heart. This was especially important for Jacinta, who keeps St. Teresa close to her heart because she reformed the Carmelite order, the order that Jacinta would most want to join.

Saturday we spent a lot of the day with St Ignatius of Loyola in his childhood home and celebrated Mass in the room where he experienced his conversion. This was especially meaningful because St. Ignatius is Paul’s confirmation saint and because St. Josemaria always loves to speak about the crucial role of spiritual reading in the interior life: when St. Ignatius was forced to spend many months recovering from his battle injuries, the only reading available to him was the lives of the saints and of Christ. His great conversion was a direct result of this reading.

Sunday at Lourdes was a grace-filled day, beginning with Mass in the grotto where Our Lady first appeared to Bernadette. Paul, Jacinta, and I went to the healing baths. On Sunday afternoon we took part in the daily Eucharistic procession with more than 10,000 pilgrims! It ended with Adoration in an underground basilica, festooned with over a hundred large banners of great saints, beginning with Abraham and Moses and leading to St. Josemaria and Pierre Giorgio Frassati. It was like a giant family reunion. The Blessed Sacrament is fittingly reverenced by pilgrims every day among these great saints. Also, like Fatima, there is a nightly rosary procession by candlelight.

Today, Monday, Paul and I retraced the steps that we took almost 40 years ago on our honeymoon on the Way of the Cross at Lourdes. Tomorrow very early we leave for Rome.

So far, I have been enjoying good health. Please keep praying that it holds up! Paul and Jacinta have been heroically supportive and indispensable. This trip would be impossible without them.

Thank you for your continued prayers, we are counting on all of them.

Jenny

At the Basilica of the Holy Rosary, Fatima

Outside the main churches at Lourdes

The 15th Station of the Cross, after steep climb of mountain next to the Basilica of Lourdes

July 4 Pilgrimage Update

Dear friends,

We began our pilgrimage at Fatima. The first night we went to a Mass in Portuguese in the Basilica which contains the tombs of Jacinta, Francisco, and Lucia. Our hotel was within walking distance of this Basilica and the chapel built on the site where Our Lady of Fatima actually appeared to the three children. Our very first night in Fatima was spent in this chapel, the Chapel of Apparitions. Every evening they pray there the rosary in several languages and end with an outdoor candlelight procession around the square, singing the unique “Ave Maria” hymn of Fatima.

The next day, Wednesday, we spent a lot of time in the footsteps of the three children. We prayed the Way of the Cross along the same path that Jacinta, Francisco, and Lucia used to take every day from their home to pasture their sheep. Afterward we visited their homes and the spots where the Angel of Peace appeared to them. We were all very tired at night and at our hotel fell asleep to the song of the Ave Maria wafting up from the nearby candlelight procession.

Today, Thursday, we took a bus ride to Salamanca in Spain, where we are now. Salamanca is a lovely medieval town which is known for the beautiful golden color of its ancient stone buildings. There we celebrated the Fourth of July Mass with our group of American pilgrims. Our priest was a history teacher at one time and has a tremendous appreciation for America and its founding ideals.

Tomorrow we go to Avila! Jacinta is especially looking forward to this.

Jenny is feeling amazingly comfortable. She alternates between using the wheelchair and walking and she asks continued prayers that her health will hold up for the whole trip.

Paul just got back from the gym and now we go to dinner at 8:30!

Ciao!

Jenny and Paul

June 29 - Initial Diagnosis Letter

Dear friends and family,

Many of you know that Jenny has a brain tumor. Thank you for all the prayers and support we have already received. Yesterday we got the official diagnosis after her craniotomy (brain biopsy). Jenny has the high grade brain cancer called Glioblastoma (often known as GBM, or just GB). Jenny and I have known this would be the likely diagnosis for about a month, and she has been full of peace and calm the entire time. She has experienced no pain, she is sleeping and eating very well, and experiences only slight but constant dizziness. The only glaring symptom is her increasing inability to read or write. So, while she welcomes cards, know it will be read aloud to her by her faithful secretary (me).

It is impossible to predict much about the months ahead, as we do not know how rapidly the condition will advance. It is considered inoperable and incurable, and 75% of people with GB die within one year. Jenny will be receiving radiation to slow the tumor, but it is more to extend her quality of life than to work towards a cure. She is already taking a steroid to reduce inflammation in the brain, and Keppra, to reduce the chance of seizures. Jenny's only desire is to remain near a church where she can go to Mass and daily adoration, and of course to be close to her family and friends. Cards are preferred over phone calls or texts. Visits are welcome, but please contact me first, via text - 603-858-1320.

As the Good Lord planned it, in 2023 Jenny and our daughter Jacinta booked a pilgrimage that will take us to Fatima, Avila, Lourdes, and Rome, from June 30 to July 12. The tour offers daily Mass, and, providentially, Paul was able to be added at the last minute. Jenny's neurosurgeon has given his blessing for this trip. PLEASE pray that Jenny will not have any medical issues in Europe. It should be a time of great graces.

Many have asked which saint we would like people to pray to on her behalf. If God intends a cure, it would be a certifiable miracle, and thus would greatly accelerate the cause for canonization for a servant of God. Fr. Joseph Muzquiz is one such man, and he is especially close to Jenny and me as he founded the Arnold Hall Retreat Center, and died there, and Jenny and I have received invaluable formation and many graces there for almost 40 years. His prayer card is attached (or print here). But of course pray to whomever you wish!

Right now Jenny is feeling pretty normal, and keeping as active as able, so don't feel awkward about being in touch or just treating her normally. We continue to maintain a bright and cheerful home, so never feel inhibited about reaching out or getting together. All of our children have taken the news very well and have been of immeasurable support to us and to each other.

Jenny has said many times she feels the ocean of prayers that have been buoying her up. So keep it up, please, and know she is grateful. Also feel free to forward this message to those you think might want to know, and feel free to edit as you deem necessary.

Love to all,

Jenny & Paul

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