This was a good example of the beautiful communion of souls of which we are all a part. Thank you for your part in this divine tapestry.

Jenny continues to welcome visitors. In fact, when our youngest daughter Jacinta, who attends the nearby Thomas More College asked if we would consider taking in a couple of students during the upcoming Easter break (one is from Slovakia and has nowhere to stay), Jenny did not hesitate a second “Of course!” she said, and added, while pointing to her brain “even if my brain is brthbrthbzz” (that word does not translate).

The picture prayer book has become an ever greater focus of Jen’s life. She is constantly adding to it, with a sense of urgency, even searching for more distant relatives and past generations. She knows well that prayer is supremely important, and one thing she can still do.

Prayer, prayer, prayer - it is the triumphant weapon and the glorious torch of hope for all of us.

Wishing you every blessing during this Lenten season,

Paul

Jenny has said a couple of times "this is such a happy place."  But that is my editing, as her speech is still limited and often hilariously "creative".  

What she actually said was "this is a berry plappy hace."

At such creative use of the language, she laughs along with us.

I continue to hear of the many people who still pray for dear Jenny.   Well, you can see the graces she is receiving pretty clearly!

Thank you again, and again.

Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God of Hosts!

Blessings to all,

Paul 

Happy New Year from the Swopes

Dec. 22 Update

Dear Friends and Family,

     A brief note to wish you and all your loved ones a most blessed Christmas!   Probably like you, our far flung family members are gathering, and the house is full of laughter and joy.  Jenny is doing well, still walking at least an hour a day (dancing around the house if it is too cold outside!).  Her speech is quite restricted, but she continues to be good humored about it.  Just yesterday while saying the Rosary, instead of "Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee" she said "Holly Mary, crispy Lord..."    

     There have been ups and downs since the first amazing results from the Avastin, and we are now on the third infusion.   As predicted, the effect seems to lessen each time.  However, an MRI taken just last week did show at least some shrinkage of the tumor.  We are grateful for each new day, and the house remains full of good cheer.

     I thought I would share a couple of videos of Jenny singing, both very short.  The first is a selection from the Christmas Songs our family sang to honor the Arnold Hall Conference Center.  This was two years ago and Jenny is singing with 7 of our 9 kids (as shown in the video, left to right):  Evan, Aaron, Ruth, Jenny, Nathan, Joe, Jacinta, Emily.  It just worked out that we had 2 bass, 2 tenor, 2 alto, and 2 soprano.   

https://youtu.be/A6xtImJ575Q    (If interested, here is the longer version with 3 songs and going 8 minutes: https://youtu.be/xVTR3ZfynSA )

On the lighter side, here is a sample of a silly German love song Jenny and I sang as a birthday present to her mom (Jenny's maiden name is Wurzelbacher!), just a couple of years ago:

https://youtube.com/shorts/rSKpfQD-oxI

     There are so many things to be grateful for - very high on the list is our wonderful community that has supported us in prayer, friendship, and material support.   Jenny continues to pray through her entire picture/pray book every single day.

     Wishing you every Christmas blessing,

Paul

Nov. 27 Update

Dear Friends and Family,

     The last update celebrated the remarkable impact of the first infusion of new drug Avastin.    Jenny went to Boston for her second infusion on November 19th.    After examining her, the doctor said he had never in his career seen such a dramatic improvement.    We are now a week past that second infusion, and Jenny continues to show remarkable energy.  The following 24 second video says it all:

As is probably clear from my updates, I was not aware that one could make improvements with this type of cancer.   When Jenny sank into speaking gibberish, I assumed that was the end of her normal speech.  How wonderful it is to be totally wrong!

Consider this 25 second sample of her speech way back on Sept. 9:

https://youtube.com/shorts/cx-2C1LP5lI?feature=share

Now compare it with Jenny's message to all of you, recorded yesterday November 26th!:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ovcVCgUSJY

Wishing each of you a wonderful Thanksgiving - may we all give thanks for the many blessings and graces in our lives,

Paul

Nov. 9 Update

Dear Friends and Family,

        At last writing, Jenny was about to start the new drug Avastin, considered the last hope to slow the effects of the brain tumor.

        One reason I have waited to write is that she is doing so well it is almost impossible to believe, and I didn’t want to initiate unwarranted celebrations after just one or two "up" days.   Nor does the news in this email suggest she will outlive this tumor.

         However, the day I took her to Boston to start Avastin, she was so weak that the staff decided it was not possible even to have her step out of the wheelchair and onto the scale to be weighed, or to stand upright on both feet to have her height checked.   That evening I spoon fed her dinner and brushed her teeth for her.  Those days seem very long ago!

         Now she is getting herself up each morning, then dressing herself, and we go to daily Mass.  She sits, kneels, stands, and sings like everyone else. 

She is so independent she does light housework during the day, and no longer sleeps in the medical bed on the first floor, but has returned to our room on the third floor.

       Her speech is also dramatically improved.  Before the treatment just 2-3 solid words in a row was the norm.   Now she can engage the family in conversation on a variety of topics.

        One area I was certain would not improve is her ability to read or write (the first thing the tumor destroyed).   Wrong again.   While reading is not possible, just yesterday Jenny was able, with a good deal of coaching, to write on her own.   So she sent "love letters" to each of her children.  Here is one [yes, it looks like a young child, but the feat is incredible!]

Oct. 22 Update

Dear friends and family,

      Today, October 22, is the feast day of Pope Saint John Paul II.  I hope you have celebrated the life of this towering saint.

       Question:  How many American women have been personally caressed by Pope Saint John Paul II, not once, but twice?

       Answer:  I don't know how many!, but one is Jennifer Swope.

Scene I:  We were newly married in 1984 and travelling to Fatima, Lourdes, and Rome (just as we did this June).   We of course made sure to attend JP II's general audience.   Because we were newlyweds, we were given preferential seating, and Jenny happened to end up along the corridor he used to exit.   The crowd was standing and pressing her into the barrier, everyone trying to touch him.  He never reached out to the crowd on that exit, except when he passed Jenny's beaming face (who was not trying to touch him, just beaming).  He paused, caressed her cheek briefly, and said, in Italian, "My blessing upon all married couples."

Scene II:  About 20 years later, when St. John Paul's speech was slurred, he was bent over in his chair, wracked with Parkinson's Disease, he was again at a Papal audience.   For a reason I cannot recall (I think it was the Year of the Family), Jenny and I were honored to be the couple representing the United States, and a representative couple from each nation could go up and briefly greet the Pope after his address.  Jenny became so overcome with emotion and love that she basically collapsed into the Pope's lap!  He again caressed her before she moved away (was taken away!)....

Back to the realities of 2024: 

      The last update mentioned that the Boston oncologist wanted to do an MRI, as he was not convinced that the CAT scan done at the local hospital was definitive in showing that the tumor had spread from the left to the right hemisphere.  So we had an MRI done in Boston on Oct.15th.

      It turns out that BOTH doctors are more or less correct.  While the tumor has not broken into the right hemisphere, it is so large that it is bulging into and now affecting the right side, and the line dividing the hemispheres is no longer as clear.  The tumor has herniated, extending downward against the brain stem.    There is relatively little that can be done at this point, as Jenny has consistently declined considering further chemo, clinical trials, (nor do the doctors think these would help much).

      The only thing that seems to offer a hope of at least an increased quality of life is a drug called Avastin.  It is likely to reduce swelling, and could, in theory, take the place of Decadron, the steroid Jenny has been on since the beginning.  Yes, there are a number of possible side effects from Avastin, but they do not appear to be too likely, and in theory we could cycle off of Decadron, which definitely has negative side effects.   We think it is a chance worth taking.   The best part is it will just be a 30 minute infusion done every 3 weeks, so it will not involve much travel nor taking lots of new pills every day.  We start that the day after tomorrow, Thursday, the 24th.

      So we treasure every day, every moment, with dear Jenny.   She has had some wonderful visits with friends...

A last anecdote:   We have been trying to be sure Jenny wants to go ahead with this last treatment, but understanding her wishes is increasingly difficult.  Sometimes we go a whole day without figuring out what she repeatedly tries to express.   One evening after dinner, when things were quiet and she lay in bed, she looked up at me searchingly.   Slowly and with focus, she said "No....more............."     I braced myself for what I thought was the moment of a revelatory statement like, "no more treatments," but instead, still very serious, she completed her thought:  "no.....more........yummies?"   [ Yummies is her word for anything sweet.]  

     Jenny is still eating well, so thank you to those who give her that simple pleasure.  

Blessing and thanks to each and every one of you,

Paul

Oct. 15 Update

I know many are waiting to hear of Jenny's condition since my last update.  The week has been full of surprises:

"What!?" Jenny cried, with a look of disbelief, shock and confusion.

"Did you not know you have been in the hospital for the last day and night?" I asked.  "No!!" she answered, still looking at me with horror.

In that conversation I was to learn she had zero recall of the long sleepless night of intense discomfort, or any part of her overnight at the hospital, or why her mother had flown in, or why she was on a catheter, or now in hospice.  

       It was a kind of 40 hour "valley of death" which she does not recall even now.

But after those 40 hours, she more or less "woke up," and her condition improved.  She started to sit up, eat and drink normally, and even started standing up.    Those of you who came to visit were surprised at her alertness, I'm sure.  It was another grace filled period that allowed many of her dearest friends to spend some wonderful moments together.   We had up to 13 families/couples/individuals visiting each day.  It was exhausting, but........it was all meant to happen.

A surprise of the week was Sunday morning, when Jenny, largely bedridden to this point, announced she would like to go to Sunday Mass!    Not totally absurd, but she would have to go in a wheelchair.  Without a vehicle to accomodate a wheelchair, and knowing the difficulty and dangers of getting her in or out of a car a total of 4 times, the only option was to push her through the streets.  Not a big problem, except it was cold and rainy.  Jenny put on her Sunday dress, we bundled her up, grabbed an umbrella, and off we went.

[As you can see below, Jenny is NOT always smiling! Rain and cold make her frown]

What now?   The hospital had thought it best to switch to hospice care, and we have had a very good experience this last week with the Visiting Nurse Association of Southern New Hampshire.   However, our main oncologist in Boston believes the CAT scan done in the emergency room of Elliott hospital was not clear on what is happening in Jenny's brain.   Inflammation can look like the tumor, and he recommends an MRI, which has much better resolution.  So this Friday we go to Dana Farber Boston for a final MRI, blood work, and meeting with the oncologist about the results of both.   That day should map out our course going forward: either return to hospice with no further medical efforts, or consider some kind of additional treatment.  

Understanding Jenny's speech is an increasing challenge.   Yesterday she was being very persistent, all day, about something that Ruth, Nathan, and I could not decipher, hard as we tried.  Living with Jenny is a bit like playing the game "20 Questions" all day long.  It was about 8:30 PM when we stumbled upon her focused concern - she was worried about how she could receive communion since we would be in Boston for most of the day.   Such wonderful priorities!  Jenny continues to live her life of piety to the full, including a half hour of prayer morning and evening.  She has been known to remind us, if we get busy and distracted!

Jenny is so weak that she has not been able to suck on a straw.  I blendered yogurt with fruit, and the only way to feed her was for me to suck liquid into the straw, hold it, then release it gently into her mouth.

What a beautiful, precious experience.    She cannot say anything now - but I could tell she knew it was an intimate moment.  I asked, "Are you happy?"   She brightened right up, smiled, and croaked "yup."

So, in the joy of love and hope of the resurrection, I thank you again for your kindness.  It has been a consolation to read texts of support from so many people.  It is my spiritual and emotional "medication."

Paul   

Oct. 8 Update

Dear Friends and Family,

     The last update showed Jenny joyfully dancing on her birthday (Sept. 29).   Just 5 days ago she was taking walks for over an hour.  But recently the right side of her body started to lose function (as they predicted, with a tumor in the left brain).   Last night, for the very first time, she did not sleep, but was extremely uncomfortable and agitated.  By morning it was clear we needed to get her to a doctor, and the only way to get quick attention is going to an emergency room.  So four of my children and I carried her to our car and took her to Elliott.   It seemed very likely she had a urinary tract infection (UTI), which is serious and even fatal if untreated, but no problem with antibiotics.

     I'm afraid the news was much worse.  She does not have UTI, but instead the CAT scan revealed the tumor has also now grown into the right hemisphere of her brain, and even basic functions are apparently starting to shut down.   She is not expected to live long.  So she is overnighting at the hospital and will come home tomorrow under hospice care.  

     I needed to write this tonight, because I need to be in touch with this wonderful family of loving, prayerful people.   Thank you for being on this journey with me.   You are a great source of support.

Paul

Sept. 30 Update

Dear friends and family,

The hour prayer vigil on September 27 at St. Francis of Assisi was a great event, with over 100 people attending.  Thank you again to Jeanine Landry for organizing such a prayerful time.

On the way home from that event, Jenny wanted to pray the Rosary with her Mom, who is from Cincinnati.  We pray together by phone every day, but normally Jenny only nods wordlessly.   On this occasion, to my shock, Jenny started saying the entire Rosary with us!   

And when I asked her to repeat her new granddaughter's name, this time she said it clearly and repeatedly - "Sadie! Sadie! Sadie!"  She has been able to say it ever since.

Jenny's powers of speech have improved pretty dramatically in the last 3-4 days.    I guess her speech is shockingly poor for someone who knew her before or who expects normalcy, but shockingly good for those of us who have been with her.   She even says her evening prayers in Latin now!

Her birthday on September 29th was wonderful - all her children and grandchildren who live nearby came to Sunday Mass with her, she and I brought up the gifts, and Monica Rahilly had kindly arranged to have Jenny be the intention for that Mass.   Then we had a large zoom gathering with all her family from Cincinnati and all her own children and grandchildren who were not here in person.

And, a good friend, Chris Trudeau, who is a part-time professional DJ, came by and set up his equipment and played Jenny's favorite songs from the 1980s.   

Here is a great 30 second clip of the evening (Jenny is dancing with her daughter Ruth, and son Nathan - two of our children who live here and are indispensable helps): https://youtu.be/XwMb7eRMqAo

Another dear friend, Gisele Costa, who is a professional photographer, came by and took pictures of our family.  I may share those another time (I haven't received them yet).

So we are carried along by the kindness, generosity, and prayers of our friends and family.

Thank you!

Paul

Sept. 24 Update

Dear Friends and Family,

     It has dawned on me how helpful and important these updates are.... for me! - an essential kind of processing of this journey, as I feel your prayers and support, and need to be in  touch.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for being there.

      And things change so fast I don't want to wait too long between communicating.  It was just 3 weeks ago that Jenny was at the Speech Therapy office, and practicing "automatic speech."   For example, someone says "salt and ____" (pepper)  "boy and ____" (girl)

"north and _____" (south).   Jenny was pretty much 100% a whole page of exercises.

      Those days seem ages ago, and now her ability to retrieve words (except for a few), or even repeat them, is gone.  Recently I was alone with her, with no other noise or distraction, and I asked her to repeat the simple word "book."  She paused thoughtfully, and answered "fruffle".   Then she looked at me with her warm, innocent brown eyes, as if asking "was that right?"   I said no, and repeated the word slowly, with her looking at my mouth.  She replied "Rum-run".   And so it goes.  The automatic speech exercise is now 0%.

      Last thursday my daughter in law had her second child, at the local hospital.  Nothing on earth is more important to Jenny than family, and celebrating new life.  Her one burning desire was to learn, and say, the newborn girl's name: Sadie.   But hearing and repeating is not something she can do.   No matter how many times I repeated that name - nothing close to the correct sounds came out.   In a very rare outburst that almost no one ever sees (except hubby), she finally was overcome with frustration, and shouted at the top of her voice, tearfully and clearly:  "God help me!  God help me!  GOD HELP ME!"    When she calmed down, she kept trying - all through the day, and the next day, hour after hour, with little or no success.  It was a heart rending testament to her devotion to her new grandchild.

For any of you who have read this far, I should mention that Sunday, September 29 is Jenny's birthday (62)!   [One more anecdote about life with Jenny: today we had to get blood drawn, and the nurses of course ask name and DOB.  Jenny has no clue as to her first or last name or her DOB.  When the second nurse asked her DOB, she innocently answered: "soon."]   Boy, will we have a big celebration for that day, for this life - she is such a gift.

Blessings to you and your families,

Paul

For a few days life was quiet and peaceful.  Jenny's mental capacity was shrinking, but she could get around pretty well.  With the nice weather she loved working in the garden.  I made a 22 second video of her singing a lovely song while she works alone on the tomatoes...

But this cancer does not slow down.  Jenny cannot recall the names of her children (although we practice often).  This past Sunday, before Mass began, I turned to her and asked if she knew who I was - "What is my name?" I asked.    She looked at me for a long time, gazing into my eyes, searching for the word.  It did not come.  Finally she said "Mine!" "You are mine!"  You're my only!"    What more could one possibly ask for?  What need of names?

What makes that anecdote especially poignant is that those were some of Jenny's last words to me.  After that Sunday Mass we had a normal visit with our son Aaron and his family, picked some things in the garden, went for a walk, and then Jenny took her usual early afternoon nap.   But when she woke up the sounds she made were not intelligible.   Her speech has not returned since (I write this on Wednesday).   We do a lot of guessing, and multiple choice, as Jenny understands everyone well, but the sounds from her mouth (except for the first 1-2 words) are not English.   We think this is related to the recent reduction in the steroid Decadron that she has been taking steadily since her first MRI at the very end of May.   So we have increased the dose and can hope things will improve.   

The picture above was taken last night, so, speaking or not, Jenny is praying for you!    

We continue to count on your prayers,

Paul

As we walked around those gardens, Jenny was humming a tune from the Wizard of Oz.  I asked her if I could record it (especially given the stanza she best remembered) - it's at the bottom of this letter.

   Jenny remains in pretty good health, and sometimes I catch her singing as she moves around in the kitchen (short recording below!)

    To invite you a little more into Jenny's world, we also saw a speech therapist, and below is a recording of Jenny as she looks at a picture of a hammock and a stethoscope - she knows the pictures she is looking at, and can describe them in various ways, but finding the matching word is a challenge.  I particularly love Jenny's good humor as she says about the stethoscope picture "oh, that thing, yes, I see that alot....these days...."

    Jenny is a sweet soul, and each day with her is precious - a gift of grace.

   Saying THANK YOU is totally inadequate to express the deep gratitude we feel, but it shall have to do!   Thank you all a thousand times.

Wishing you all God's blessings,

Jenny, Paul, Ruth, and Nate

August 15 Update

Dear friends and family,

     First, happy feast day of the Assumption!

     I realize my first three updates were all bearing bad news: first, Jenny has an incurable and inoperable brain tumor - an extremely aggressive cancer called Glioblastoma.  Then the second MRI showed the tumor had grown from a walnut size to a large cauliflower size in just six weeks; and third, that she has non-metholayted Glioblastoma, the worst kind that generally does not respond to chemotherapy.   And, in that email, I shared that her cognitive decline took a bad turn for the worse, that visits would be restricted, etc.

Jenny and I have seen a steady and accelerating mental decline over the last two months.  It seemed to us that by mid August or certainly September that she would not be able to communicate at all, and her body would likely begin to shut down.

   While none of the above are untrue, it is time for some good news!

             In the last week her mental capacities have markedly IMPROVED!    The speech therapy consultation we had cancelled as a waste of time is now back on the schedule.

            Why the improvement?   It could be a variety of factors: an adjustment in her medications, the impact of the 3 weeks of chemotherapy and radiation (half way through the 6 week protocol!), the influence of the overwhelming prayer support she receives daily, and/or the addition of alternative medicine treatments.  Probably a combination of all of the above.

           Many of you have urged us to consider alternative methods such as Mebendazole/Fenbendazole, Ivermectin, CBD, etc.    She started all of these three about a week ago, along with regimen of supplements and vitamins.  Thank you for those who took the time to send links, clinical trials, etc.  These things do not conflict with her current treatments, and seem worth a try.

Other good news is the shower of graces we see.  People returning to church, decade- long estrangements reconciled, and a stream of people not just praying, but making specific sacrifices for Jenny.  One good friend offered up her labor and delivery!  

Among our favorites are the prayers and gifts of children.  Jenny helped organize a Mom’s group and a Girl’s Club, and many of the girls are offering specific prayer sacrifices.  Below is a picture of one such spiritual bouquet……the children wrote:

…” I pray for you every night before bed”

…”I will pray a Hail Mary for you every night”

….”Remembering you and your family in our daily Divine Mercy Chaplet intentions”

…”We will offer a family Rosary”

…”doing a St. Joseph novena for you”

Going forward, Jenny’s six week chemo and radiation ends about September 10, and the 3rd MRI is 4 weeks later (to allow the inflammation caused by the treatment to subside, allowing for clear pictures of the MRI).  That MRI is scheduled for October 10.

           We thought that was absurdly and hopelessly far away!   But no longer.  We are giving this tumor a very hard time.

           The highlight of each day continues to be reading Jenny the “love letters” we receive in each day’s mail.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Blessings to all,

Jenny

(and Paul, her faithful scribe, secretary, chauffeur, medical assistant, travel manager (about a dozen out-of-state family and friends have been here in the last 2 weeks), sometimes cook, visit manager, masseuse, walking support, and husband)

August 8 Update

Dear Friends and Family,

       The cards and prayers continue to pour in.   How could we ever thank you enough!   Today I read to Jenny 7 new “love letters” that came in the morning mail.  I had to stop`more than once as my eyes filled with tears.   Such kind things are said!

       My plan for this update was something lighter….  

For example, a few weeks ago Jenny quipped to a friend:  “Paul had Stage IV cancer and survived; two years later our 19 year-old Aaron had Stage IV cancer and survived.   I guess if I survive, our family will have to be renamed “The Derry Dodgers.”

Or, while not humorous, also on the lighter side -  for a while, after the initial MRI, CAT scans, and biopsy, the medical bills were outnumbering the “love letters.”  We had a daily count that would be loudly announced.   I am happy to say the love has far outstripped the bills.  [Word has reached me that my dear friend Mike Pakaluk has started a funding page -https://www.givesendgo.com/Help_Jenny_Swope?utm_source=sharelink&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_campaign=Help_Jenny_Swope Bless you Mike!]  

We have been hanging each “love-letter” on a ribbon at the main doorway - filling the length of one ribbon, then two, then the other side of the doorway, three ribbons four; then another door - five ribbons full, six, seven, eight……  now three doors are all festooned on both sides

Below are most of them with all the wonderful flowers. Thank you again!

But the news is not all smiles and roses.   The analysis of the tumor shows it is the worst kind of Glioblastoma (non-methylated), which means the chemo is not likely to be of much help.

And, just yesterday, Jenny’s ability to express herself seriously deteriorated.  She still understands what is spoken or read to her, but her ability to respond is very limited.   I think visits will become more restricted, and if you had planned to write, do so very soon.

Let me say one of Jenny’s strongest desires is to answer each person who has written.  It is a lovely idea, but I’m afraid not too likely.   I hope you will understand.   Know that reading these letters is a highlight of each and every day.  They are read with tears of gratitude and appreciation.

A very bright silver lining of this whole ordeal is this outpouring of love and prayers.

Bless you all,

Paul and Jenny

July 20 Update

Dear Family and Friends,

      First, let me thank those of you who have sent emails and cards to Jenny.   I read her each one, and she very much hopes to answer each one.  The outpouring of prayers and concern is not just deeply appreciated, but deeply felt.   It is your prayers that continue to fuel the graces Jenny is receiving.

      This letter is going to a wider circle of people, so I will have to repeat a bit.   Up until two months ago, Jenny was the healthiest person I have ever known - In the 40 years we have been married, she has never had a single prescription, never even had a doctor (PCP),  and other than an occasional cold, never been sick.

       But at the end of May she was struggling to read fluently, and it wasn’t a problem with her eyes.  An MRI on May 31st revealed a brain tumor, and it had the markings of Glioblastoma, an incurable and very aggressive cancer.  On June 19 a craniotomy was performed so a sample could be sent to a lab.  On June 28th we learned it was indeed high-grade Glioblastoma.

       It so happened that last year we had planned a pilgrimage to Fatima, Lourdes, and Rome, and we decided to still make that trip, which began 2 days after the diagnosis.  It was a grace filled, almost magical time together, and Jenny felt remarkably well.  We attribute that to all the prayers we felt coming our way.

       The pilgrimage was from June 30 - July 12, and our next medical meeting, July 15th, was with the oncology specialist to begin radiation and chemotherapy.   However, another MRI was required to see how the tumor might have changed from the first MRI.   Jenny felt so well she had hoped it might be smaller.

        We were utterly unprepared for what the 2nd MRI revealed.  In just six weeks the tumor has grown many times its original size, and seems to dominate her left hemisphere.  Jenny said it looked “like an angry storm.”

         The doctor said that without treatment, death would be a matter of a few months.  With treatment, the best case was “a year since symptoms began, maybe.”    Some strains of Glioblastoma respond to chemo and radiation (not towards a cure but to halt its rate of growth) and some do not.

          Thanks be to God, Jenny continues to be without any pain.  She still sleeps beautifully, eats well, and in some ways is the same old Jenny.   She tires easily, is always a bit dizzy, cannot read or write at all, and her sense of time or schedules is increasingly diminished.   But she can still say, from memory, long prayers and she can still play Candyland with her grandchildren!  And she sings beautifully.

         Jenny is as calm as ever, utterly abandoned to God’s Will, and utterly convinced God knows all, and is directing all to the greatest good.    When we saw the devastating results of the second MRI, we went to church together to pray.  It was 10:15 at night (Jenny has a key).  Strangely, the choir director was still there rehearsing a song with someone.  These are the words we heard as we genuflected and knelt down before the Blessed Sacrament:

“Only in God is found glory

When I am found meek and found lowly

My stronghold, my Savior

I shall not be afraid at all,

My stronghold, my Savior

I shall not be moved

Only in God is my soul at rest

In Him comes my salvation.”

......Today Jenny sang this song "Only In God" with 2 of her daughters.  Don't miss the end! https://youtu.be/EOPQN_wkn6o

      Now more practical issues:

A number of people want to visit Jenny, and that should be possible, depending on her health and energy.  

    We continue to pray every day to Fr. Joseph Muzquiz for a miraculous cure, be it God’s Will.

      Chemo and radiation will start this Monday, July 22, and we can hope this treatment will slow the tumor down.    Her treatment is not for a cure, as mentioned, so it will not be as invasive as some chemo treatments can be.   The doctor said the main side effect will be increasing fatigue.  The treatment will be radiation 5 times a week, for six weeks, plus a weekly chemo pill.   We will know what is next when we see how Jenny, and the tumor, respond.  

       A terminal illness is a wake-up call on many levels.  May we all awaken to the call from our tender and loving Father, to accept, and to follow, and to love His divine Will.  Jenny is a wonderful example of how this can be done, with peace and joy.

          Please, please continue your prayers - we continue to lean on them.  And I can assure you Jenny prays for all of her family and friends, by name (it is a long list!)

Blessings to all,

Paul and Jenny

July 8 Update on Pilgrimage 

Dear family and friends,

On Friday we spent most of the day with St. Theresa of Avila. We visited her birthplace, the place where she died, and one of the most important monasteries that she founded. This monastery was converted into a museum which contained St. Teresa’s tomb, a relic of her right arm, and an urn with her entire heart. This was especially important for Jacinta, who keeps St. Teresa close to her heart because she reformed the Carmelite order, the order that Jacinta would most want to join.

Saturday we spent a lot of the day with St Ignatius of Loyola in his childhood home and celebrated Mass in the room where he experienced his conversion. This was especially meaningful because St. Ignatius is Paul’s confirmation saint and because St. Josemaria always loves to speak about the crucial role of spiritual reading in the interior life: when St. Ignatius was forced to spend many months recovering from his battle injuries, the only reading available to him was the lives of the saints and of Christ. His great conversion was a direct result of this reading.

Sunday at Lourdes was a grace-filled day, beginning with Mass in the grotto where Our Lady first appeared to Bernadette. Paul, Jacinta, and I went to the healing baths. On Sunday afternoon we took part in the daily Eucharistic procession with more than 10,000 pilgrims! It ended with Adoration in an underground basilica, festooned with over a hundred large banners of great saints, beginning with Abraham and Moses and leading to St. Josemaria and Pierre Giorgio Frassati. It was like a giant family reunion. The Blessed Sacrament is fittingly reverenced by pilgrims every day among these great saints. Also, like Fatima, there is a nightly rosary procession by candlelight.

Today, Monday, Paul and I retraced the steps that we took almost 40 years ago on our honeymoon on the Way of the Cross at Lourdes. Tomorrow very early we leave for Rome.

So far, I have been enjoying good health. Please keep praying that it holds up! Paul and Jacinta have been heroically supportive and indispensable. This trip would be impossible without them.

Thank you for your continued prayers, we are counting on all of them.

Jenny

June 29 - Initial Diagnosis Letter

Dear friends and family,

     Many of you know that Jenny has a brain tumor.  Thank you for all the prayers and support we have already received.   Yesterday we got the official diagnosis after her craniotomy (brain biopsy).  Jenny has the high grade brain cancer called Glioblastoma (often known as GBM, or just GB).   Jenny and I have known this would be the likely diagnosis for about a month, and she has been full of peace and calm the entire time.   She has experienced no pain, she is sleeping and eating very well, and experiences only slight but constant dizziness.  The only glaring symptom is her increasing inability to read or write.   So, while she welcomes cards, know it will be read aloud to her by her faithful secretary (me).

     It is impossible to predict much about the months ahead, as we do not know how rapidly the condition will advance.  It is considered inoperable and incurable, and 75% of people with GB die within one year.  Jenny will be receiving radiation to slow the tumor, but it is more to extend her quality of life than to work towards a cure. She is already taking a steroid to reduce inflammation in the brain, and Keppra, to reduce the chance of seizures.   Jenny's only desire is to remain near a church where she can go to Mass and daily adoration, and of course to be close to her family and friends.   Cards are preferred over phone calls or texts. Visits are welcome, but please contact me first, via text - 603-858-1320.

       As the Good Lord planned it, in 2023 Jenny and our daughter Jacinta booked a pilgrimage that will take us to Fatima, Avila, Lourdes, and Rome, from June 30 to July 12.   The tour offers daily Mass, and, providentially, Paul was able to be added at the last minute.  Jenny's neurosurgeon has given his blessing for this trip.  PLEASE pray that Jenny will not have any medical issues in Europe.   It should be a time of great graces.

     Many have asked which saint we would like people to pray to on her behalf.   If God intends a cure, it would be a certifiable miracle, and thus would greatly accelerate the cause for canonization for a servant of God.   Fr. Joseph Muzquiz is one such man, and he is especially close to Jenny and me as he founded the Arnold Hall Retreat Center, and died there, and Jenny and I have received invaluable formation and many graces there for almost 40 years.   His prayer card is attached (or print here).  But of course pray to whomever you wish!

       Right now Jenny is feeling pretty normal, and keeping as active as able, so don't feel awkward about being in touch or just treating her normally.  We continue to maintain a bright and cheerful home, so never feel inhibited about reaching out or getting together.  All of our children have taken the news very well and have been of immeasurable support to us and to each other.

     Jenny has said many times she feels the ocean of prayers that have been buoying her up.   So keep it up, please, and know she is grateful.   Also feel free to forward this message to those you think might want to know, and feel free to edit as you deem necessary.

Love to all,

Jenny & Paul